life

So Long 2015

So here it is, New Year’s Eve, on the brink of another year.

2015 kicked my ass and taught me many lessons. I learned a great deal about myself, my thinking, my body, and who I want to become as a mother, lover, and friend.

I began receiving massage therapy and have been happy to say it’s lead me to meeting some great people and learning new ways to fuel and love my body.

At my heaviest weight, I am now more comfortable in this body than I have ever been.

I’ve let go of so many attachments to my physical beauty and part of that was due to shaving my head for the last 6 months. It began as a way to support my friend through her own trials but it evolved into a realization that my identity does not lie in my physical beauty, but more so in my actions in how I live and interact with others.

I met many of my fears and heartache in 2015. I had meltdowns, breakdowns, and peel-me-off-the-ground-downs. It was hard. It sucked. I wasn’t sure, at times, that I’d make it through. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I felt lost, confused, and as if my body was slowing shutting down and dying.

I discovered new drugs. I discovered words like free t4 and free t3. I began reading up on how miraculous our bodies truly are. I began yoga. I began reading up on meditation. I began to understand…

2015 changed me. I’m not sure of the end product just yet, but I know I’m different. And deep down inside, I know this is what I longed for. I just thank those who have stood beside me, no matter how many times I pushed away, you all were right there to welcome me back.

Thank you, and thank you 2015… for without the mud, there can be no lotus.

Lotus-Flower

 

 

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