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I remember so many moments…so many precious moments of that little boy. My little boy. He was so funny. He took expeditions to African when he was two, he picked his nose because he said he had to, and he got pushed down a slide and needed stitches when he barely could speak a sentence.
My boy. His idea of the pledge in preschool went with, “and you may all be seated…” He said it every time. Oh my boy. I miss him. I miss his childhood. He seems so grown now. He seems so independent and on his own.
He leaves for boot camp on November 27. Nine weeks and he’ll graduate. Then he’ll move to Florida for school. Thankfully it’s only the reserves so he’ll be home soon after. I want the best for my boy. I want him to be happy, successful, and accomplished, however, I’ve always feared him going into the military.
I don’t know why. I just feel like I’m losing my boy. I feel like he’s being taken away, and then there sits that tiny possibility that he could be called up, and hurt. I don’t love this nation enough to give it my son. I don’t love anyone enough to give up my son.
And yet through all this, I feel utterly selfish for not seeing this as a great adventure. I feel horrible inside for not being proud of my son. And I feel ashamed that I had other plans for his future. This is not my life. I had my time to be his mother and to raise him from a boy. Now it’s his time to live life. Motherhood certainly doesn’t get easier as children age, it seems to get a bit harder to let go.