me as a wife · me as a woman

Mourning The Loss of a Relationship

It seems my heart is breaking over the fact that the relationship I’ve had with Sean for the last 10 years will ultimately end in death.

I know it’s for the best. The relationship wasn’t healthy. It was built on expectations that couldn’t withstand the test of time. But no matter what I know logically, my heart still aches to realize the end will come. And it’s that end, that I wish were here right now. As my files fill with papers from my attorney, I’m constantly reminded of my current situation, realizing I’m only in the mists of this situation rather than wrapping it up and moving on.

There were good times, but the bad has out weighed them all. And now I find myself in this crazy Adult/Adolescent Stage which only frustrates me because 1. I’m an adult and 2. I’m acting like an adolescent. My finances have been all over the place. Crazy shopping sprees that amount to nothing but junk and an unbalanced check book. I’m not happy with these seemingly small motives to redefine myself. I need to act my age and keep my eyes focused on family, career, and health. Where does God fall into that? Some would say spirituality/religion should be the common thread throughout it all but we all know “me/myself” seems to be only common thread we tend to carry through out life.

One change I would like to make today is: shifting my focus from egocentric thoughts, that all problems and solutions of the world are my own, and realize that simply because things are not going the way I’d like at the moment doesn’t mean it’s because of me or it’s my problem to solve. I need to allow people to take responsibility of their own actions and stop taking constant control of the situations.

 

2 thoughts on “Mourning The Loss of a Relationship

  1. Hi there. I only know of you from some blogger groups we share, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. The loss of a relationship – whether it was good, or bad, is hard to go through. I think people would think it would be easy to let go and move on from a bad relationship, but you have the added weight of missing ‘what could have been…if only….’ – and that’s hard to shake. I think you’re a very strong woman for doing what you must do and you will undoubtedly be an inspiration to others who may also be going through something like this. This has to be a scary time for you, full of unknown (and that’s what we all seem to fear the most), but please know that you have a lot of people that support you and send good thoughts your way as you go through this journey.

    1. Thank you so much for your wonderful words. I think you hit the nail on the head, it’s letting go of the ideas I held onto for so long, on the wishes, and hopes I had for this marriage. It’s truly heartbreaking.

      And thank you for your confidence in my strength and ability to move on, it helps to know someone believes in me. 🙂

      *hug*

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