The loss of a loved one can be so confusing, especially when the loss occurs suddenly and unexpectedly. I’ve experienced the loss of two of my parents, and with my Mom, being sick in the hospital for 4 months before she passed brought a moment of relief, but when my Papa passed, suddenly, without warning, lives seemed to crash into one another and fall apart.
My world was shattered a bit more today. I was caught off guard from the side and have spent the evening trying to wrap my brain around emotions, pain, and the reality of it all.
Why does life have to be so fragile? Why do we have this veil of uncertainty that lingers in the background, as true as light, yet never drawn into focus until someone draws his/her last breath?
Is this really all there is? This living and dying? I look at my limbs, at my chest, searching for this Holy Spirit that is to reside within me. Where are You, Lord? Why do you not scream out at us? Why is two thousand years not long enough? Why are we so weak and nimble, so full of fear, and so attached to this world of material garb, that we can’t even muster the courage to bring about Your Kingdom?
I am ashamed, sometimes, to call myself a Christian, a follower of Christ. How can I claim to follow any God that I truly do not seek? How can I claim to imitate any behavior/action when I refuse to spend the time it takes to learn and observe the behavior in question?
What a sad, sad world we live in. So afraid of losing it all. So scared of having nothing that we will claw and kill to simply feel secure in our falsehood of security. To the rich man, “give it all away and follow me…” He walked away, sad, not able to do it. Don’t worry my friend, I haven’t done it either.
And maybe that’s why…maybe that’s why we’re given the authority to forgive sins as we are forgiven. Maybe through all His grace He says He understands that we are mere children, ignorant, and therefore if I can forgive your shortcomings then you’ll be kind enough to forgive mine. And maybe through forgiveness we’ll begin to experience the Spirit’s love, and all of this pain and misery will be no more.
And if not, if I have it all wrong, then in 50 years my body will rot in the ground and I’ll not have to worry about these things any longer.