Roughly eight years ago, I created Carrigan’s Joy when I discovered I was pregnant with my daughter. And since that day I’ve captured two pregnancies, my love of running, weight loss challenges, the loss of my parents, career choices, and the destruction and reconstruction of my marriage.
I look back on many of the posts here and I don’t recognize the person who wrote half of them. I see an arrogant Christian, a self-doubting wife, and heart broken daughter. And even though I may no longer be the person I once was, it’s through those pages that I see myself developing, growing, changing, and becoming who I long to be.
I’m on the cusp of my 40th birthday and I feel renewed. My husband and I have traveled through so much together, but none the less we’ve come out on the other side. I look at him now, sleeping, snoring even, with his red colorful socks, his crazy hair, and I’m amazed that I’m lucky enough to be loved by this guy. He is the most patient, loving father and husband I’ve ever met. He’s kind and considerate and yet his ADHD mouth runs off the handle and gets him into more trouble than I’d like to recall. But he’s mine. All mine. He comes home every day, he shares himself with any and all who will listen, and he supports all my ideas and impulsive habits.
All of this comes down to the fact that I’m grateful today for the struggle, for the life that we’ve built together. We are who we are because we’ve grown up together. He is my love; my joy, and I plan to spend the next 50 years telling him so.